This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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