just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
