I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
