it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
