my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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