textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize