If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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