At least make sure they are 18
Why
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
