Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
