And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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