I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
