I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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