I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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