nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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