I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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