Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
