My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
