i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
