I wanna bring you to show and tell
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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