Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
