I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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