I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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