theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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