he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
