Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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