dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
