So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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