Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
