i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i've created a new STD.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
