i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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