i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Randomize
