I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
