i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
