Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
