i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
