He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
