Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
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