gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
do herpes really smell.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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