I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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