i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm having to shit out rocks
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
