You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
