you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
