She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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