Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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