Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Found your dick twin last night
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
