I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
