Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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