i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
