feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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