ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
