he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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