I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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