i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
