He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
