I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
