Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
