I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
