saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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