im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
