i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
