listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
