I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
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Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize