You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
