he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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