The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
