last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
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he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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