a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
