so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
